It's been FAR too long since I updated my journal OR posted one of my strange, meandering thought trains for you. So here..have this.
Backstory: Someone Dennis and I know got into a fight at a hotel the other day and was detained by hotel security. Or, as it was put to us by the person that let us know, he was "hotel arrested". This has become a new go-to buzzword joke for the two of us.
Now you're caught up.
Jason 3:58 am
Nope. He just got "hotel arrested". Stiiiiiiiiiiiiill funny.
Den 3:59 am
Jason 3:59 am
That's a show on Fox is what it is.
Den 3:59 am
it damn well should be
Jason 3:59 am
"Hotel Arrested" starring Jenny McCarthy and Ed Helms.
Den 4:00 am
Jason 4:01 am
Jenny McCarthy is a Paris Hilton-esque socialite who gets too rowdy at a hotel one night, causing the stuffy security guard (Helms) to put her under hotel arrest. Now, in order to pay off her fines she's forced to work as a hotel maid for a year.
Den 4:01 am
Jason 4:02 am
Lots of bad jokes about her not "doing" windows. Or changing beds. Or cleaning bathrooms. Or anything else.
She always dresses way too well, even though she wears a sexy little apron, she's always filing her nails and trying to flirt with rich older men to marry for their money.
Ed Helms is easily flustered and constantly, endearingly, awkwardly hitting on women.
Jason 4:03 am
There is a sassy black head maid and an OBVIOUSLY homosexual busboy...played by Shangela.
Homosexual busboy has some HILARIOUS catchphrase that white people love because it's sassy and black.
Something like "ALL THAT AND A BISCUIT!" or "I'LL FRY YOU LIKE THE COLONEL!"
Jason 4:05 am
Sassy black maid spends most of her time "Mmhmm"ing disapprovingly but teaching Jenny McCarthy valuable life lessons and snarking at Ed Helms when he makes her do work.
She says things like "If the good Lord wanted me to clean toilets, he wouldn't have made me so fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine."
Den 4:05 am
I can see this so clearly it's sad
Jason 4:06 am
"Mmhmm!" :snaps her neck"
There is a revolving door of hot-at-the-moment guest stars usually playing themselves as visitors to the hotel.
Snooki...one of the housewives of New Jersey...Nicki Minaj...whoever's not busy.
Jason 4:08 am
Every week there is some HILARIOUS mixup where Jenny McCarthy somehow insults the celebrity of the week and Ed Helms wrings his hands while he tries to clean up the mess and sassy black maid (I've decided she's played by Loretta Devine) somehow gets roped into a crazy scheme that she is NOT DOWN WITH.
She calls everyone "chile" or "honey".
Den 4:08 am
Jason 4:09 am
Gay busboy says "GIRL!" at the end of every sentence when he's talking to Jenny McCarthy and fights with her over the hot male guests.
Loretta Devine freaks out when a "fine rich brotha" stays at the hotel.
She's obsessively in love with Tyler Perry, so the week HE guest stars will just be SO funny.
Jason 4:10 am
It'll run for half a season...maybe a full one, but will be cancelled RIGHT before season 2 will air because the WHOLE summer will be spent with the network going back and forth because it did well with the critics, but badly in the ratings because it was up against something on NBC...probably How I Met Your Mother.
Den 4:11 am
Gets picked up by Bravo or Logo
Jason 4:11 am
But never actually airs new episodes. Just the entire first season in an endless syndication loop.
It'll be replaced by Fox's NEWEST attempt to add another animated show NOT made by Seth McFarlane.
That too shall fail.
Jason 4:13 am
The new cartoon will be some mostly mundane situation with a cast of irrevrant characters who say pithy things for no actual reason.
Most likely something with talking animals.
"Animation Domination continues with the premiere of...Cat Cops! ON *FOX*!!!"
Den 4:16 am
Jason 4:16 am
You know that's how that shit would go down.
No. I'm NOT dead.
October 9th, 2012